Now that the Healing series is wrapped up, I thought I’d share a little bit of introspection with you. I learned a lot from my relationship which came to an end, but these six points take the cake. This is my conclusion to this chapter of my life, and I’m choosing to take away some positivity from it all (as someone very special recently reminded me was important). I hope these lessons will be a good reminder to you, and that you’ll keep them in the back of your head. I learned it the hard way; I may as well have learned it for the both of us!
1) An apology is a change of action, not just saying “I’m sorry”.
Words are words. Words can hurt, they can make a difference, and they even run this world. But two words that don’t mean a thing on their own? “I’m sorry”. The only way they mean a thing at all is with actions behind them. When someone is truly sorry, they will change the way that they do things to reflect that they don’t want to repeat their mistakes. Without those changes, it isn’t an apology; it’s just two words.
2) You can’t want something for someone if they don’t want it themselves.
Sometimes we try to fool ourselves by thinking that someone has the same goals as we do simply because we want those goals that much. And then when they tell us that they share those goals, we believe them just because they said it. Again with the words not meaning much, because we end up doing all of the leg work to achieve that goal. If someone truly has compatible goals, they will work just as hard every day as we do to reach them, and that is the plain and simple truth. Be observant.
3) Don’t lower your expectations just because your significant other isn’t willing to meet them.
Expectations can really mess things up sometimes. Namely when they’re unrealistic. However, sometimes we have those gut feeling expectations that tell us exactly what and how much we deserve. So when our significant other doesn’t meet those expectations, it really bothers us, and then we have a bunch of conversations about how we deserve better from them. They typically agree, but then, we discover it’s only a bunch of words. Again. In fact, many times we don’t just deserve better from them: we deserve better. Period.
4) You are who you surround yourself with.
This is something that, in the moment, might be hard to believe. When we’re having fun with people, we don’t want that to end. What’s the harm, right? Well, the harm is in the big picture. We need to take a look at the big picture and see how being around these people will affect us in the long run. Are they motivated, and will they push us to be our best? Are they caring and loyal? Are they people who we can count on in any situation, every time? Do they make the wise choice when given an option to do the “fun” thing? Because people who are those things, they are the ones we want to keep around. Not the ones who cause us to only feel good in the moment. We keep ourselves at the level of the people who surround us every day, and if someone chooses to surround themselves with the wrong people, then we don’t need to be around them anymore.
5) Family goes much deeper than blood.
This is something I didn’t fully grasp until my previous relationship happened. But the more I found out, the more it made sense. Family is so much more than the blood that pumps in our veins. That blood keeps us alive, but for some, the people it connects them to are the ones that kill them the most in their souls. People who we have no biological relation to often become some of the closest members of our family. Again, for some, they make up an entire family. I’m lucky in the sense that I consider members of my biological family my true family, but that’s rarely the case in the world we live in. It takes a lot more than blood to make a family. It takes trust, care, compassion, love, faith, loyalty, years of connection, and on top of it all, it takes wanting the best for someone even when it isn’t what they want to hear. Blood has nothing on all of those things.
6) Just because a relationship didn’t end up working out (and even though it came crashing down), doesn’t mean it was a mistake.
At this point, it isn’t a secret that this relationship caused me a lot of pain, stress, frustration, sadness, and tears. But I’ve gained so much more than I’ve lost. I’ve gained more people I consider family, a true home church, a newfound self-confidence, a stronger sense of a direction for my life, and I’ve gained the knowledge that I have much more strength than I ever could have imagined. What’s to regret about that?
And… here’s a reminder to always count your blessings. You are loved 🙂
Crazy cat lady. Exploratory writer. Much love.