There are some conversations in life that none of us want to have: that breakup, leaving that job, or simply telling someone a truth they won’t want to hear. It can be easy to suddenly lose the words you’d prepared for hours before, rendering you silent and debating as to whether or not say anything at all. But in these moments, I’ve learned that I hands-down need to do two things: 1) Be honest with myself and 2) Break the silence that seems safer and be honest with the other person.
A few months ago, I had to be honest with someone, and it was something they most certainly didn’t want to hear. But the thing is, had I not said anything, it wouldn’t have been fair to them, and I would’ve been doing myself a disservice. The conversation was awkward, but I was honest. I said what I needed to. Shortly after I saw this picture while scrolling through social media, and I felt very much at peace with the decision I’d made to speak up:
And it’s very true; we shouldn’t make ourselves feel badly for telling our truth and having one of those tough conversations. Nobody benefits from living a lie. To be honest, though, it starts with having a tough conversation with yourself and understanding that doing what’s best for you often means speaking up for what the truth is.
Telling ourselves the truth is the first step. Understanding what is best for us and why and breaking that down for ourselves lays a steady foundation for the steps to come. Journaling is something that really helps me; getting thoughts down on paper allows them to become more concrete and sortable. Praying or meditating on it can be key, as well, if those are practices you partake in.
Once this step is taken, that’s when it comes time to actually have the chat. In this age of social media, it has become very difficult for many people to have a face-to-face conversation at all, never mind a conversation that brings up difficult subject matter. This is why it’s time to be intentional about it. There are some things that should never be said through a text message. It’s as simple as that. The technology we have today has given us an option to be cowardly. That sounds like a harsh word, but it’s applicable here. If you need to tell someone the truth, especially something difficult, say it to their face. They deserve that respect, and you deserve that clarity.
It’ll be awkward, and it’ll be hard. No amount of preparation will take that away, but the relief afterward is incomparable. There is a peace deep down that knows it was the right thing. Tough conversations aren’t pleasant, but they’re a part of life, and we need to learn to take them on if we’re going to get to where we want to be, where we’re meant to be, and most importantly, if we’re going to be the people we should be. Just take a deep breath and speak with kindness and honesty.
Much Love, Quinn
Crazy cat lady. Exploratory writer. Much love.