Today’s post comes to you late, off-script, after a week of veering completely off schedule and lots of life change. Sigh. It never stops, does it? This afternoon, I carefully curated a new post lineup for the coming weeks, but I realized that a poem I need to take a picture of for tonight’s plan is at my parents’ house in Connecticut. Alas, the post will have to wait (but I definitely think it’s one to look forward to next week!). In any case, here I am just writing. This is less like my usual style and more of a journal entry, but I’m determined to get something up tonight. I don’t want it to become habit to put off posting again. So here I am. Unfiltered.
You know, this past week has really kicked my ass. There’s just no other way to put it. I’ve made some tough choices, had some tougher breakdowns, and honestly just had no clue. About anything. I’m pretty sure I still don’t, but I’m handling it better now. It’s been a cloud of confusion, and I’ve been trying to see my way through it. Fog lights don’t work in that scenario.
My point in this is to say that I want to write these things out, to document this and just feel onto the page. That’s the point, right? I’m super directionless right now, which is odd to me. It’s new and uncharted. I’m always that person to have fifty steps ahead planned out. Right now, I’m figuring out what to do as I step. I’ve never been this sort of person, and it honestly incites so much anxiety in me, but it’s what I have right now. It could become something else.
It’s a chapter, not permanent but very present, and for me, I document things best in imagery. In flourishing words. By shying away from that I’m letting the feelings fester and cycle through without my buffer zone on the paper, and it’s leaving me exhausted. Take the crap and make it something. Make it anything more beautiful than what it is.
That’s really all I’ve got tonight. I hope any of this resonated with you in some way. I don’t know if this will be a series or just this post, and there is plenty of structured content coming up, but in this moment it’s what I’ve got. I’m gonna go write.
Much Love, Quinn
Crazy cat lady. Exploratory writer. Much love.