There’s been a significant change in me lately. I’ve become so secure in the person I am, knowing that this is who I’m meant to be in order to offer something to the world. It can be so difficult to pinpoint what exactly my voice has been over the course of the past two-ish years because I’ve just been inconsistent with any sort of creative expression. Writing has my heart, but I’ve found myself so silent. Heartbreak turned to intimidation, and intimidation turned to stagnancy. Once I got into the habit of pushing my notebook off to the side, it was so hard to get the writing gears in my head going again. I was patchwork writing whenever I could muster up the motivation, but I ended up with a bunch of mismatched patches instead of an entire quilt. I still wonder what I could have written since 2017. However, this summer and now into the fall, I came back to the pen and recommitted to my greatest love. It’s funny; writing always seems to wait for me wherever I end up.
The random pieces that make up my 2017-2019 writing went through a spectrum of feelings, but as I reflect back on them, they were generally upbeat and trying desperately to fit into a certain box required of them. Not my favorite, personally, but there were a few gems in there. It’s not that I think my writing of the last two years is bad. Of course, it could have been better with consistency and thus development, but my problem with it is that it never really dug in to anything. Upon my reflection, I’ve found that I was ignoring the deeper concepts, emotions, and imagery because I was simply happy to be writing at all. It was very surface-level writing.
Regret is a funny thing, but sometimes it just sticks with us. I find myself thinking back on the writing workshops I participated in during the last year of my undergrad. I had so many incredible opportunities to get feedback on serious writing from peers who had the same interest and passion. However, I even pushed those off to the side, opting to wait until the last second and submitting pieces for comment that I didn’t even like. Missed opportunities, for sure. But alas, we learn, right? I am thrilled to finally be able to say I’ve found myself in a new writing era because I’ve been writing enough as of late. I’m diving back in. There is something about Thanksgiving season that seems to offer me revitalization in my writing. I couldn’t tell you why, but I remember there have been a few years that I really kicked off my writing again around the holiday. I simply turn a page and begin again, so it seems appropriate that here in November is when I’ve began feeling this new nuance in my words. We shall see what I write Thanksgiving Day 2019. My focus right now is diving and delving deep while engaging fully with my mind and pushing my own creative boundaries.
“Sometimes we gotta risk it all to chase a dream. It’s a dive in head-first, all-or-nothing kind of thing.” -Against the Current
Now, there is something in particular that I’m introducing into my writing. I’m calling it The Haunt Factor. What is this, you ask? I want to leave my potential reader (and myself) shifted from when the piece began and thinking about it moving forward. I want my words to make an impact, to be something that might come up in someone’s mind again down the line. To create pieces that are worth more than a skim and stay with people is something special. The thing with The Haunt Factor, too, is that it’s personal. Before it can haunt someone else, it has to haunt me. Challenge accepted.
At the end of the day, life is a total mixed bag of things. I wanted my writing to be the same, but not so surface level as it has been lately. I want to dig deeper where I am. I keep reminding myself that growth requires exploration, so I’m setting out here and seeing what I find in my current writing landscape, with messy thoughts becoming cohesive and concepts coming to life. Let’s create.
Much Love, Quinn
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Crazy cat lady. Exploratory writer. Much love.